A bit about language

Over at Queerty.com, there's quite a buzz about about "Hancock." Will Smith plays the title character and says some shitty remarks to Jason Bateman's character (Hancock's PR guy) to which get GLAAD's attention:

"[Bateman's character] shows Hancock three comic book images in an effort to inspire him. But Hancock rejects the traditional image of costumed superheroes as he responds to each one: 'Homo. Homo in red. Norwegian homo.' "

Now I wasn't planning on seeing "Hancock." At best, The Wifey and I were planning on Netflixin' it in a few months because Smith movies are usually decent. But now, I'm left with a frustrated feeling about the entire project, as well as Smith.

After reading the comments in Queerty's post, I have to say that I agree with GLAAD calling everyone out on this. We simply should use other words. Use. Other. Words. When people say the "R" word (re....tard...ed) I always shoot a don't-say-that-again-please, most often without the please, because I cannot grasp that this word is still used negatively. I understand that it's a popular word, more than "that's so gay," however, I would hope that we as an evolving nation could come up with another word to explain a situation. I have a bro who works with special needs kids and I take it extremely to heart when I hear the word. He's the sort of hero I'd rather know about anyway, not some shitty overpaid actor.

But getting back to comments left on the Queerty post, people say that because the actor was just reading the script, we shouldn't be upset at Smith. On that, I strongly disagree. I'm positive that if Smith spoke up, or Bateman spoke up, to take the line out or to have someone respond to it, they would have made that happen. Smith would look like a hero for standing up and saying something and possibly nix some gay-or-Scientologist rumors floating around him. In any event, GLAAD would be offering him a hand shake or E-card or something, instead of breathing down his neck and having him take full responsibility.

In any event, I'm left with an awful taste in my mouth over the whole thing and I think watching "Queer as Folk" will help with that. Definitely.

Save yourself

And don't waste your time watching "Puccini For Beginners."

Directed and written by Maria Maggenti ("The Incredibly True Adventure of Two Girls In Love") you'd think you'd be getting some good lesbian action. Not so.

I know, I know, it's bad queer karma to go against the lesbian flow, which, *gasp* is co-produced by LOGO and was praised by afterellen.com, but this particular film lets all parties down in the end. And by end, I mean beginning, middle and end.

Allegra, played by Elizabeth Reaser (the pregnant sister on "The Family Stone") is conflicted. Conflicted about telling her girlfriend of nine months she loves her, which gets the girlfriend upset and consequently g-friend dumps her, and then poor, poor Allegra goes to a party, mostly at the begging her her best (straight) friend and meets Dude. Dude read Allegra's book (let's not get into that part) and tells her so. She FALLS right away. Did I mention she mentions that she's a lesbian a few times and has/had a girlfriend minutes before meeting Dude.

But then, after sleeping with Dude, she meets Gal at a movie. Gal eventually "flirts" enough with Allegra that she falls for Gal, sleeps with Gal, gives Gal good, good lesbian sex and consequently, finds herself in a relationship with both Gal and Dude. Thing is, Gal and Dude were in a relationship themselves, broke up because Dude wouldn't propose to Gal and ironically (see, this is where the hilarity begins) are both dating Allegra. Additionally, Allegra means happy in Spanish. That was a freebie.

I'd love to go into the entanglements that Allegra finds herself in, the way everyone tells her she's conflicted even though the character never quite seems conflicted, and how it is never really mentioned why on earth she falls for such a TOOL, but I'm just so damn tired of watching "lesbian" films where the lesbian isn't really that much of a lesbian. (Aside from "Kissing Jessica Stein," which I LOVE.) I mean, that's why I'm watching the film. For the LESBIANS. *Ahem*

Gah.

Dear Jodie Foster,

I wasn't that big of a fan of yours until I saw just how fantastically sassy you were in "Inside Man." That taunt ponytail, tailored suit and smugly smug mug were all it took to hook me in. This isn't to say that the movie was only OK. Then, "Flight Plan" made me see that other character you play: Frightened Woman with Child. Not as in, "with child, i.e. pregnant" but as in "Child is drug around by hand." You just get that whole fear thing down to a T: beady eyes, pursed lips, furrowed brow. I dig that about you. However.

I must say with "The Brave One" you entered new territory. The audience was laughing, laughing at how incredibly unbelievable the plot was and, also at how some of the people died. Even Girlfriend said, "This isn't a comedy, but I've never so many people laughing at a movie." It's not often that I get halfway through a movie and think to myself that watching the preview would have been sufficient, and sadly, more satisfying.

Terrence Howard completed the cast by acting as though he gave a damn as a detective. The only saving grace during the whole debacle was Nicky Katt, who played Howard's partner. And not that kind of partner, because maybe then, the movie would have gone from unwatchable to decent.

So you, Jodie Foster, owe me two hours of my life back. Two hours that I'll never get back. Two hours I could have spent shoe shopping. Or, at the very least, trolling the Internet for shoes. And purses. And pretty necklaces. But now I'm getting off track.

In any event, I hope the next script that lands on your desk has some other sort of character than the ones you've been picking to play. I hope.

Sorry I pirated your film, Jamie Babbit

I love you, Jamie Babbit. Can I just get that off my chest right away? I think you're brilliant. I love that all of your films have some kind of insider/outsider temptation thing going for them. I love that you directed an iconic queer film (But I'm a Cheerleader) before you were 30. I love the funky jewel tones in your cinematography. I love the soundtracks to your films -- God damn, son, I love your soundtracks.

Here's the thing: I don't love waiting. I'm ADHD like whoa, like you would NOT BELIEVE. I'm fortunate enough to have a job where my lack of attention span is a bonus and not a detriment. Word. After 678908585585 months of waiting and hot queer press and buildup and film festivals and limited release on another effing coast: enough already, Power Up. Enough.

I pirated your film. Sorry. ALSO: it's possible that I may have distributed it to other people. Sorry about that, too.

If it makes you feel any better, there were a number of versions of Itty Bitty sitting around for download. Woot, huh? People like your queer film, Jamie. They really, really like it! Enough that, if they happen to NOT live in one of the urban centers where IBTC has played in the last 40 years, they'll look to pirate it. Woot?

Look, I'm not even going to say anything about IBTC AS A FILM. I'm not going to post spoilers or wonder if the last ten minutes of it have anything to do with why the film might be having trouble finding a distributor. I'm cool like that. I am going to wonder about this:

Hey! Crazy thought! If you're making a film that is either mocking the '90s punk girl sitch or getting all nostalgic (I can't decide which) over the DiY ethos of riot grrrl, you should probably put forth some effort into DiY distro. Come fucking on. Rustle up a queer, feminist CompSci kid and create a method where website visitors pay for the download of your film. Circumvent curiosity and piracy at the same time. Be marginally fucking realistic about the world we live in; you know, the one where people pirate the media that they can't get their hands on legally.

Crazy thought, I realize. I'll totally buy IBTC when it comes out, though. I mean, if it ever does. I mean, if y'all figure out a way to use the new media model in a way that works for you. I mean ... I'm just saying.

RE: RE: Insta-rage: Gray Matters

1.) You have no idea how fast. Brace yourself!

2.) With a name like Gray, you get one of two things: "Hi, my name is Gray, and I went to Yale" OR "Hi, my name's Gray and lap dances are 40 bucks, no touching"

3.) I'm pretty sure such things only exist in RoCos about LARGE, HIP, IMPORTANT AMERICAN CITIES WHERE STUFF HAPPENS, usually NYC. Also, in "Friends" (I think, but you're the expert!) and "Seinfeld".

4.) I'm actually clueless about how to be a 'mo. All the stuff I've been telling you so far about 'mos? Totally made up. And partially based on a combination of Judy Blume books and Dan Savage columns. What you need is a kind Scottish cab driver with a crush on you and an affinity for baked goods. Get crackin'!

RE: Insta-rage: Gray Matters

1. What?! Boning a hot chick will help me run faster? I don't even need to run, at all, actually, but faster? Count me in!

2. I totally agree with the names of the characters. Part of me thinks that the director got super attached to having gray in the title and didn't realize she could have named Heather Graham's character any thing she wanted, other than Gray. Or maybe it's just me.

3. I've been looking for something that's rent-controlled all my life. Not happening.

4. So, heteros have all the answers when it comes to coming out and being on Team Mo? Sheesh. I guess I've been asking you WAY too many questions, tentimesfast. I'll be sure to keep our convos to work-related topics, SON!

Insta-rage: Gray Matters

Gray Matters sucks, but you'll learn at least four things from it:

1.) Pressing, intensely personal questions about love and sexual identity can be solved by boning a hot chick. Also, boning that hot chick will make you run faster.

2.) Naming one kid "Gray" and the other "Sam" is probably kind of cruel.

3.) Questions about how people who work 10 hours a week between the two of them can afford a 7 squillion square foot, multi-million dollar apartment with a view MUST be addressed by having one of the characters say "rent control" at the right time.

4.) The best advice that 'mos can get about being 'mos can and will come from heterosexuals. OHDEARGOD, THEY ARE SO WISE TO OUR WAYS!

LiLo and the F-bomb

FourFour posted a funny (and not at all illegal!) video highlight reel of Lindsay Lohan in I Know Who Killed Me. LiLo, you are a beautiful, craptacular acting mess! God, what I wouldn't give ...