My funny definition of "save yourself" involves watching the movie

I'm live blogging my reactions to "Puccini for Beginners" because HLE already did the hard work by watching an awful movie for reals.

So: once upon a time, there was this director named Maria Maggenti who made a movie called "The Incredibly True Adventures of Two Girls in Love" in which she kind of fleshed out the story of her first 'mo relationship. Hey! Guess what? Maria Maggenti is straight now and watching her insert her personal politics and bullshit into a film isn't nearly as interesting as it was when she was a huge fucking D. SEXUAL FLUIDITY IS A RADICAL CONCEPT THAT MARIA MAGGENTI JUST INVENTED THIS VERY MINUTE, YOU GUYS.

If I make it through 20 minutes, I'll consider it a victory!


7:25: My first impression is that Allegra isn’t hot enough to break anyone’s heart.

7:27: I’m already bored. Too much NYC, not enough establishment.

7:30: Passionless. Kissing. Nice. Also, panties! Stop stopping the action like that.

7:31: Gloria Steinem. Hahaha.

7:32: OH MY GOD RENT CONTROL less than 10 minutes in.

7:35: This feels like Incredibly True ..., except it’s about adults and isn’t as cute

7:37: Assistant professors can be in the midst of finishing their dissertations?

7:38: Gross. The cab thing is gross. Straight people are gross. This is making me surly. I’m about to fast forward.

7:41: Grace and Allegra just met. I’m getting ready to check out mentally here.

7:42: Those are nice wine glasses.

7:45: The fact that they’re smoking in a movie is more interesting than the dialogue

7:47: “Paradigm shift” FUCK OFF. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING OH FUCK YOU

7:49: This dude is a DICK. Why are they touching each other? Why doesn’t she kick him out?

7:53: Hey, that post-coital scene is pretty much lifted right from "Go Fish".

7:57: Grace: secretly kind of awesome.

8:03: After the stolen car, Grace is officially effing awesome.

8:05: WTF was that? 2 seconds of on screen lovin’? Fuck you, movie.

8:08: Allegra is also a DICK. I mean a DICK, SON.

Hey, this ... sucks! I'm fast forwarding to the end.

Wow, the ending also sucks. "I want a lifetime partner" is my new reason for doing anything stupid that I ever do for the rest of my life.

Assistant professor, my ass.

A better version of me

Ok, in an effort to pimp music more effectively, I am breaking down and using SpotDJ. Thanks for the tipoff on that one, Girl I Used To Date and also AfterEllen!

Today: Rainer Maria sampler. Why? RM has been the soundtrack to several significant romantic successes (also: failures. Fate is cruel like that.) in my life. I'll bet RM is the soundtrack to some indie kid's first awkward same gender makeout session right this very second. On the flipside, it's equally likely that a Northeastern Women's College First Year is sobbing her face off to the lyrics to "Broken Radio" because her girlfriend totally likes dudes now, and it's only fucking October, for fuck's sake.

Shameful side note: "Planetary" literally has a 25 percent chance of making me tear up.

Save yourself

And don't waste your time watching "Puccini For Beginners."

Directed and written by Maria Maggenti ("The Incredibly True Adventure of Two Girls In Love") you'd think you'd be getting some good lesbian action. Not so.

I know, I know, it's bad queer karma to go against the lesbian flow, which, *gasp* is co-produced by LOGO and was praised by afterellen.com, but this particular film lets all parties down in the end. And by end, I mean beginning, middle and end.

Allegra, played by Elizabeth Reaser (the pregnant sister on "The Family Stone") is conflicted. Conflicted about telling her girlfriend of nine months she loves her, which gets the girlfriend upset and consequently g-friend dumps her, and then poor, poor Allegra goes to a party, mostly at the begging her her best (straight) friend and meets Dude. Dude read Allegra's book (let's not get into that part) and tells her so. She FALLS right away. Did I mention she mentions that she's a lesbian a few times and has/had a girlfriend minutes before meeting Dude.

But then, after sleeping with Dude, she meets Gal at a movie. Gal eventually "flirts" enough with Allegra that she falls for Gal, sleeps with Gal, gives Gal good, good lesbian sex and consequently, finds herself in a relationship with both Gal and Dude. Thing is, Gal and Dude were in a relationship themselves, broke up because Dude wouldn't propose to Gal and ironically (see, this is where the hilarity begins) are both dating Allegra. Additionally, Allegra means happy in Spanish. That was a freebie.

I'd love to go into the entanglements that Allegra finds herself in, the way everyone tells her she's conflicted even though the character never quite seems conflicted, and how it is never really mentioned why on earth she falls for such a TOOL, but I'm just so damn tired of watching "lesbian" films where the lesbian isn't really that much of a lesbian. (Aside from "Kissing Jessica Stein," which I LOVE.) I mean, that's why I'm watching the film. For the LESBIANS. *Ahem*

Gah.

Can't. Stop. Listening.

To Deb Talan's AMAZING ethereal voice.

Better late than never

Since every other queer blog on earth has already pointed this out, let me add to the chorus of ZOMG THEY ARE SO COOL YOU GUYS:



Cool cover choice, but the vid is so dark that you can barely see their MULLETS.

I'm a bit partial to Sleater-Kinney's cover of "Rock Lobster". Look at those indie kids moving their upper bodies and arms! I am shocked! I'm also shocked that this performance is 10 years old! I'm old!

Ohmygod, I just found my new wife

Er, maybe wives. Three words: queer femme calendar.

I've never made a purchase so fast in my life. I bought the 2007 calendar, the 2008 calendar, a t-shirt in the span of less than a minute. Also, Miss April 2007? I'm in fucking love!

I wonder how long it would take me to find a job in Brooklyn?

Also, it would appear that they held a launch party a few weeks ago. Holy shit.