Ladies, gentle ladies and whoever else is reading this blog. It's AWESOME to be blogging again with tentimesfast and I'm eager to see what she has up her collared shirt-sleeves in terms of posts. A lot has happened in both of our lives that will make for good posts.
My life has been up and down since February. A few more people know about my life and with mixed reactions. Speaking of mixed reactions, something that's been on my mind lately is how people respond to when a person comes out.
A cousin that I used to be very close to when we were lil chillens recently contacted me. She's married and lives in the middle of Minnesota. I haven't seen or talked to her in years. I didn't even make it to her wedding, that's how non-close we are now. But before I move on, some back story. My mom is still having a big ol' hard time with the fact that I have a girlfriend. Like, the hardest time. We've only spoken once since I told her and it was a conversion riddled with tears on both sides and I felt like I was speaking to someone else. We spent a considerable time catching up but at any mention of The Wifey, the tear downpour would start. I asked her if she has told anyone, and she said yes, two of her sisters and a friend at work. Progress? Not really. The two sisters she told are conservative Christian women, like herself, who (and I'm reading between the lines here) probably consoled my mother by telling her things like, "She's just rebelling" and "You've done all you can." To which I say: Bull shit. My mom is still on the We-didn't-make-you-do-enough-
Christian-things-and-now-you're-doing-this-to-hurt-us boat and no matter how many times I say, "Mom, it has nothing to do with that. You two raised me well and this isn't me rebelling," she still sighs heavily and cries. Now you're wondering where I'm going with this. Stay with me.
The cousin I mentioned earlier? Yeah, one of my mom's sisters? That's her mom. So when she contacted me out of the blue, I had to wonder if it was because she'd heard. I wrote her a quick e-mail saying something along the lines of "I'm sure you've heard everything," to which she replied, "no, tell me." And with that quick invitation, I did. In Cliffs Notes, I told her how I came to be at the exact point in life I am at now. And I got this for a reply:
[Tres Bien]
I'm not good with words, so this may take me awhile to write. First, I will never stop caring about you or loving you. We've had a great childhood together, and if we lived closer, I know we'd be spending time together. I'm going to tell you something, very similar to what I told my half sister when she "came out". I'll never think less of you, or treat you any differently. And, I think [my half sister] would agree, our relationship didn't change at all. However, I do not support the lesbian life style, as it is not Biblical. And, I do believe in God's Word. Having said that, I know that there are many things that I've done in my life that I know were wrong. I've sinned many times, even when I knew better. We all do. I don't believe any sin is worse than any other. All sin is equal in the eyes of God. I want you to believe me, I'll not lecture you, ignore you, or insult you. I just want you to know where I stand. I also want you to know that my half sister is a lesbian. [my husband's] oldest sister is a lesbian. And, one of my friends is a lesbian. I have great relationships with all of them, and enjoy their company. So....I hope you understand. I hope I made myself understood- as I said previously- I'm not good with words. Please, write back. Let me know if you have any concerns. Are we cool?
Love,
[cousin]
So. my first reaction to her e-mail was one of shame, like I was caught with my hand in the cookie jar. Then it turned into resentment. And I'm not even going to get into the part where she is able to have relationships with lesbians DESPITE their dirty, dirty lifestyles (and enjoys their company, imagine that!) So I'm going to echo a sentiment I think many GLBT people feel when they receive this type of response. When you get a something of this nature, what's a queer to do? If you suck it up and say a I'm-so-sorry-for-offending-you then you are essentially admitting that they are right. And I don't think they are right. But if you fight it, then you are the angry, surly activist queer and most everyone on the other side stops potentially listening to you. So, I have come up with something to perhaps even the odds. Whenever a person sends me that, they will get something like this:
Dearest [whomever],
Thank you for your response. There's something I've been wanting to tell you and it seems that door has finally opened. I've recently come to find out that you voted for George W. Bush both times in the past two presidential elections and that you continue to vote for Republican candidates who are anti-life and anti-gay. The fact that you vote Republican is something I can't swallow. I love you the person, but greatly disagree with your stance on political choices and how it affects my life. I actually don't have any Republican friends but if one came up and talked to me I would probably answer back if I wasn't on Day One of my menstrual cycle. Our relationship will not change [that's what you think] but I want you to know how I feel. I think it's against our moral code to vote Republican and that is it a sin. The biggest sin, actually. Ignoring Global Warming and stunting the basic rights of human beings is a bigger sin than fucking someone of the same sex. But, I love you. And I hope we're cool.
Love,
[Tres Bien]
There you have it or a version of it. You could write to them specifically about being anti-gay, anti-choice, but I feel the ugly Republican umbrella covers just about everything. Don't you?
Santa Weirdo
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