Save yourself

And don't waste your time watching "Puccini For Beginners."

Directed and written by Maria Maggenti ("The Incredibly True Adventure of Two Girls In Love") you'd think you'd be getting some good lesbian action. Not so.

I know, I know, it's bad queer karma to go against the lesbian flow, which, *gasp* is co-produced by LOGO and was praised by afterellen.com, but this particular film lets all parties down in the end. And by end, I mean beginning, middle and end.

Allegra, played by Elizabeth Reaser (the pregnant sister on "The Family Stone") is conflicted. Conflicted about telling her girlfriend of nine months she loves her, which gets the girlfriend upset and consequently g-friend dumps her, and then poor, poor Allegra goes to a party, mostly at the begging her her best (straight) friend and meets Dude. Dude read Allegra's book (let's not get into that part) and tells her so. She FALLS right away. Did I mention she mentions that she's a lesbian a few times and has/had a girlfriend minutes before meeting Dude.

But then, after sleeping with Dude, she meets Gal at a movie. Gal eventually "flirts" enough with Allegra that she falls for Gal, sleeps with Gal, gives Gal good, good lesbian sex and consequently, finds herself in a relationship with both Gal and Dude. Thing is, Gal and Dude were in a relationship themselves, broke up because Dude wouldn't propose to Gal and ironically (see, this is where the hilarity begins) are both dating Allegra. Additionally, Allegra means happy in Spanish. That was a freebie.

I'd love to go into the entanglements that Allegra finds herself in, the way everyone tells her she's conflicted even though the character never quite seems conflicted, and how it is never really mentioned why on earth she falls for such a TOOL, but I'm just so damn tired of watching "lesbian" films where the lesbian isn't really that much of a lesbian. (Aside from "Kissing Jessica Stein," which I LOVE.) I mean, that's why I'm watching the film. For the LESBIANS. *Ahem*

Gah.