Rainbow Theory

So, folks, I did it. I finally crossed that line and told my mom. I'm still processing everything, and although the weight has been lifted, it's been replaced by a whole different set of feelings and emotions.

One thing that she, along with many other parent's of queer kids, kept saying was, "It's my fault, I wasn't ____ enough or _____ enough." Her's were actually "spiritual" and "didn't discipline." Which = no, mom, you were both. If I still lived near them, I'm pretty sure I'd still have a curfew (I'm 28) and I went to a Baptist private school from K through my senior year, so add that to church on Sundays, I got a good dose of religion 6 days a week for 13 years. I can't do the math, but that's a shit ton of religion.

In any event, she'll hopefully work through her emotions, or the stages of grief, and I'll let her get there on her own time. I love my mom with all my heart and I hope she got that that was the main theme throughout our conversation. I know I got that from her.

While talking to tentimesfast about it, she mentioned that she thinks parents are a bit egotistical in that they take full responsibility for us queer kids being queer. (Though, there are studies that found when a mother was stressed during her pregnancy, that impacted whether the fetus was homosexual or not, but that's not the point here. And don't bring that up to your parents if you're thinking of coming out. No, no, no, no, no.) And, truthfully, most parents have a lot to do with how we turn out, but when it comes to being gay, it's out of their hands (unless they try to send you to a crazy 'be an ex-gay' in a week shitty camps/sermons. Don't get me started on how horrible those are).

Yet, they blame themselves any way. I hope mine (and yours) get over that.