Don't you think there should be some sort of Old Butch/New Butch chart? Like, OB would have a mullet, or the "bowl cut." NB would have a faux hawk. OB would drive a Subaru Outback (sorrysorrysorry). NB would drive a Escalade? Or at least something with more onions than a wagon. I don't know. I'm going to play the new card on this one. Your turn?
Pimpsicle, y'all should know better than to play the new card, son. When you ask about fisting, your newness goes RIGHT OUT THE WINDOW!
ANYHOOZLE, OB v. NB is a battle to end all battles. It's a generational thang, yo. Let me list it line by line ... for the sake of accuracy, let's have the OB model be the OBs I'd see in Pittsburgh. Holla? Holla!
Hat:
OB: Steelers ball cap.
NB: Kangol 504.
Hair:
OB: Mullet/Bowl Cut.
NB: Fauxhawk/that shaggy indie rock cut/ shaved head/ the fauxhawk that has stripes shaved into the sides.
Shirt:
OB: Steelers jersey from the 70s; something that's simultaneously plaid and flannel and sleeveless.
NB: Lacoste polos, collar popped; Ben Sherman button downs; ironic t-shirts.
Something on the bottom, son:
OB: Levi 501s that're old as fuck.
NB: something expensive, cuffed.
Something on the feet, playa:
OB: Work. Boots. What else?
NB: Chucks, Doc wingtips, Doc somethingorothers.
Teh Ridez:
OB: American trucks (Arguments will ensue over Ford v. Chevy.), a Dodge of some kind (whatever, I used to drive a Dodge, so WHATEVS. THAT DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING, so just save it, HLE.), Jeeps with the doors and roof off ALL THE TIME EVEN IN WINTER, BECAUSE YOU ARE SO MANLY, Subaru Outback 'cause your woman has forced you to have kids and/or dogs.
NB: The Metro, the power of your own two manly fucking legs, bicycles (Portland only), rage, Mini Coopers (uh, I hope), something fancy and foreign that will convince your future freshoutofcollegeanddoesn'tknowanybetter wife that you make a fuckload of money, whatever with wheels and sweet Barack Obama stickers (or Hillary Clinton stickers).
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Real talk, girl. What do your people wear, hmm? C'mon, HLE, break it DOWN!
