In case you're ever tied up ...

I never read any Nancy Drew books when I was younger, so when "The Official Nancy Drew Handbook" caught my eye, I was curious to see what would be included in the "everyone's favorite girl detective" official handbook.

Among the so very applicable chapters, "Escape Clues" and "Survival Clues," (and yes, I realize this book is tongue-in-cheek, folks, I'm not 145) there are "Clues to Love and Romance" which include my favorite section, "How to Get That Ring on Your Finger and That Man to the Altar." Now, perhaps I'm surly because I can't get to the altar with the person I love, or perhaps I never had that as part of the plan from the get-go. My cousin had a 5-year plan that included engagement, college, marriage, job, baby. Mine was um, college? and working and finding someone I was happy with. I'm not crushing down on those who choose (or can choose) to go the Race Ya'll To The Altar game but I don't like the idea of a book, jokingly or not, telling impressionable young girls that this is how life is or how it's done.

Excerpt:
"Give him time: Don't hound him or give him an ultimatum -- that will have the opposite effect. Keep your clues subtle, not overt, then stop talking about the subject for a while. Give him time to mull it over. Remember, you want him to feel it's his decision, even if he's following your lead."

I know this isn't applicable to my fellow lesbians. And I hope no one takes this as any sort of advice. If you somehow manage to convince someone your intentions and make them think it was all their idea, it will come back to bite you in the rosy, red ass. But, as someone who has a little hetero sister out there in the crazy dating world who may take this to heart, I'm outraged this book is encouraging this behavior (as my momma would have put it). The biggest betrayal? That they took the feminist action heroine and turned her into someone who would pander for attention and -- fingers crossed -- wait for that ring to land on her finger. To which I point out: It won't go on if its crossed.

Ahem.

I'll stop with that. And also shout out to tentimesfast, who actually read the series and told me that she suspected Nancy and her best friend George (who was a mighty fine butch according to our conversation) were more than the assumed "best friends."

To which I reply: I hope so.