Rural

I blogged earlier about going home to Minnesota for my class reunion and to visit people I haven't seen in a long time. The overall trip was awesome. The class reunion was what I expected, for the most part. Seeing people who have changed a lot and at least one who hadn't changed at all. Seeing the same mannerisms in people, now with 3.5 kids; or seeing physical attributes in the kids was even stranger.

One thing that I didn't do was visit my parents. I was in the area, but never planned on stopping by, as things with them has been stressful and chaotic to say the least. I've talked to my mom twice since then and explained that as long as The Wifey isn't welcome in her home, I won't step foot in it. It's difficult to know when you need to put your foot down and when to step away and let the other person in a bit, but this was one topic I couldn't compromise on. And I made that very clear. We're both very stubborn women, thanks genetics!

My mother's newest idea is to take "baby steps," meaning her and I can talk or exchange e-mails every so often. The other catch is that I don't "throw it in her face." Since I've always been PG or PG-13 with my mom on everything, I asked her to clarify. "Well," she said. "You know that I don't like to hear about you drinking, or that you got drunk or that you are drinking wine." So, I said, you think that I rub it in your face? I thought back to our conversations. I included TW in it, though the most I said about her and I was that we were mulling a small trip to Virginia Beach. "Well, you said that you two were thinking of taking a long weekend together."

Wait, hold up.

THAT was shoving it in her face? Do I have my work cut out for me, or what?

The bottom line is that she mostly feels as though she's going through this all by herself. My dad remains mum on the subject and she's adamantly said that a PFLAG meeting is out of the question. It may seem as though I'm all over the board on this post, but I promise that I'm getting somewhere. And that somewhere is here: For those of us who have parents who live in rural areas, with all the assumed stereotypes, who don't know another gay person, what can we do to help them? I've been so submerged in my life, and being out at work, out to people in my life, out in general that it's difficult for me to imagine not knowing another gay person or knowing how to wrap my mind around it all, from a thousand miles away. Tentimesfast also has parents who live in a rural area and we've talked a bit about the subject. It took her mom about six years to come around and her advice to me was to be patient, though it's hard not to want to slam the door until she comes around.

I know I'm not the only one who is going through something like that, and I certainly won't be the last. It's really hard to be this estranged and to not know which step to take next. I'm going to try harder to understand where she's coming from, and in turn I hopes she does the same.