I can Japan

Have I said anything about Miranda July here before? I've been listening to the The Binet-Simon Test at work lately, because I'm apparently trying to drive myself completely effing insane.

If you haven't listened to any of her albums before, imagine little spoken word weirdnesses that are very much like short horror films in your ear.

The black car is not a real car. It is a rubber decoy car. We repeat: the black car is not a real car. Blink if you understand this.

"Medical Wonder":



"WSNO":

Now featuring menus in Mandarin

I'm now a semi-proud owner of a Motorola Ming, which is the coolest looking and least practical phone for my needs. That's how I roll.

I have terrible cell phone luck. When I got this phone, I miscounted and said it was the fourth cell phone I've owned in two-ish years. It's actually the fifth. I'd love to say that I'm really, really into phones, and that I've been happily buying new, exciting models for the HOLY SHIT RAD PHONE factor, but nope. I'm just a fuckwit of a phone owner.

In order of ownership, the various death scenes of my cell phones in the last two years:

1.) Standard Nokia candybar phone, which went by the wayside after getting dropped a hundred times
2.) LG flip phone, discarded when my contract was up
3.) Another LG flip, fried after the call alert vibration dropped it directly into a glass of water
4.) The epic dance with the RAZR: dropped more times than necessary, accidentally run over with car (and LIVED), filled with dust behind screen, battery life declining ... declining ... new phone!
5.) Sony Ericsson Walkman phone, whose epic awesomeness and perfection ended in the ocean while on vacation
5a.) Fucking RAZR, brought back to life through the magic of a new SIM card, battery and intense resentment

And now: the Moto Ming. God help me, I can't imagine what I'm going to do with a tiny, touch screen smartphone, but hot damn, it looks cool. Like a Star Trek phaser, and it's set on DORK! And LINUX!

I'll have a new one in 3 months, mark my words.

Shear what now?

Holy christ, so I saw a commercial for a show on Bravo called "Shear Genius" ... and I dunno. Apparently it's in season two now, and is cranking up the gay.

Here's the stylist that caught my eye in the commercial:



Deeeeeeeeeeeeee! She looked a whole fuck of a lot more dykey in the commercial and just a little bit butch. But when I visited Bravo's site for the show, meh. She's very much a Joan Jett clone.

Who knows though? Maybe she'll wipe off that eyeshadow and break outta the mold, son.

Gimme gimme more pt. 3

So. Not. Much. Happened. And yet, more happened on this ep than on the last one. Sigh, again.
I missed the beginning, TW and I were out grocery shopping cuz we gots to eat and so I saw Alex and Robin meeting with a duder and some chick about their supposed club night.

Robin decided that it would be a good idea to have Bathilda's ex go on a blind date with Sayeh the Girlgin. Then, surprisingly, the rest of the gang – Bathilda included – show up. How much I love watching lesbian drama when it's not mine! And also, I love how Robin was like, "What's the big deal? Meh." Awesome.

And the rest of the ep was all about Alex's birthday, because she finally turned 21. She got a lap dance at Truck Stop, her girl crush Paris showed up oh, and the 145-year-old duder she's been dating shows up to surprise her. And, surprise, the lesbians were miffed. Paris "asks" the guy to take a hike, he does and the girls go home to smoosh cake in each other's faces. No, seriously, that's how the ep ended. It's all good though.

A bit confused

I'm organizing my class reunion (yeah, yeah, stop heckling) and I'm looking for a decent (read: cheap) way to personalize it or at least have delicious candy to eat while everyone else is bragging about their 3.5 kids they had. So I stumbled on handmadelollies.com. It's ... decent. But the photo for personalized lollies caught my attention. Butch Sandi?

All the better to bite you with, my dear

As at least four of you know, I recently became the owner of Vidor Stanislav Kittenpants*, the cutest pink-nosed brown tiger cat in possibly the whole universe. He sleeps beside me every night, follows me from room to room, and has a hoarse little mew that he never uses.

He also bites. BITES. He bites gently ("slow nom") and he bites so hard that you cry like a little schoolgirl. He bites for no reason whatsoever and stops whenever he feels like it.

And I don't understand why he does it. He has about 200 dollars worth of cat toys. He has 2 separate cardboard claw scratchers, a catnip oil coated cardboard ... bed ... thing, a cat tree, a fur-lined kitteh bed and HIS OWN BEDROOM where he can lounge on his very own FUTON. I play with him every chance I get. Little dude is certainly not understimulated.

Suggestions on how to get him to stop biting? It'll help if the word "precious" appears in your suggestion.

*He's two years old, by the way. And not, in fact, a tiny kitten. So there goes that reason for biting.

Gimme gimme more pt. 2

Oh ladies of "Gimme Sugar" on Logo. Where do I begin? We were only halfway into the show and already my eyes grew weary from rolling.
The show begins with the gaggle asking the Truck Stop owners if they can give them advice about running a club night. Two questions later, the girls are completely confused and back to square one, with a stern "you can't ask Charlene for help" dictation. Ugh. I love it when people have absolutely no idea about how to do things but want to skip to the fun part. The fun part here being turned magically into club promoters. There are steps for these things, people. One of them? Education about what you're trying to do.

We've got some drama in the middle with ex-girlfriends/current girlfriends/close "friends" and the usual mix of alcohol. Ah, to be a carefree lesbian in L.A.

Have I mentioned yet that they can't agree on the name of the supposed night? Blush or Sugar. Sugar or Blush. And, yes, still haven't decided. But they did manage to raise about $260 from their all-day car wash, which probably scarred some kids and made some dads and moms uncomfortable. It made me a little uncomfortable.

Overall, the girls were more annoying and catty than they were in the first ep, but I still have faith in the show and will probably watch it every Monday night it's on. Until I become a club promoter.

Word

Some words I tolerate — domestic partner, for instance — and one I absolutely hate: "gay lifestyle." As if I am living a completely abnormal one. I'm not, and you shouldn't hire people to work for you who talk as though it is, Barack.

I heart Rohan

I confess: I'm a little obsessed with Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson. Nom nom nom!

(I snagged this photo from Popcrunch, which has some really awesome keywords to describe the situation we're seeing. None of those words are, like, "buddies", "pals", or "friends". I'm just sayin'. People know what's going on here. Or at least they fantasize about it.)

I have reasons for my obsession, I swear. Here's one: I love butch/femme couples, even when I'm not part of that couple. When you're into that scene (and I am, I am, I am, I am!), you don't have a whole lot going for you in the way of celebrity idols.

Who do we have, really? Ellen and Portia? Kind of, but it hurts my heart to describe Ellen D. as butch when I see her in pink mini-vests on daytime television. Not that she's ever actually worn a pink mini-vest, but you know that shit isn't too far off, son.

Uh, Sia and JD Samson? I ... don't want to address the Samson part of that equation. Something jerky and vain about me wants visible celebrity butches to be attractive, and I just ... Can't. Do. It. With. J. Samps.

So, here we have Rohan, with a trillion photos of the two of them being all touchy love-y in public and neither admitting that they're queer. Which also hurts my heart because, COME THE FUCK ON. Starting tomorrow, I'm going to assign a photographer to snap candid photos of me and my people at every single event I attend for the next year. In a year, we're going to sort through those photos to see what percentage contain us snuggling, holding hands, and kissing.

Right.

Here's what I want most out of the Rohan business: I want one or more of them to come out. And I'd like for the thousands of ostensibly hetero women who are crushing out on Sam to be faced with the fact that they're crushing out on a big ol' mo and not, say, the safe type girlcrush of a married Angelina Jolie (boring, girls!).

Lilo? Sam? Let's do this shit!

Methinks they coined a new term

Check this out. Seems (seen first on feministing.com) the Boston Herald breaks brand-new fucking ground by labeling Jen Biesty and Zoi Antonitsas (the lesbian couple from "Top Chief") as "galpals." Barf.

Gimme gimme more

No, this isn't about Brittany's single, "Gimme More," it's about "Gimme Sugar," a new show on LOGO about a troupe of lesbians living in L.A. and trying to start a special club night at its favorite lesbian bar, Truck Stop. There are five main characters, but during the first episode, they already introduced Sayeh, a 21-ish chicky who states she's "deep in the closet" and introduces the word "girlgin" (as in, yes, hasn't yet had sex with a girl). Whew. The show centers around Charlene, the 26-year-old manager of Truck Stop. Wait. You mean to tell me that she's the manager? Of a hip lesbian bar? I went to school for all the wrong reasons. Sigh.

Her four main friends — Alex, Robin, Bathilda, Davonee — all contribute to the main reason this show will become marginally popular. They're relatively easy on the eyes and they love them some drama. Again, what is a reality show without the drama? Which, you can watch from a safe distance and enjoy it enough to say "We'd never do that. Gulp." Ah, I love me some lesbians.

The reason I got sucked into the premiere? Because reruns of "Exes and Oh's" still has yet to make me a fan and if you read a few posts back, I spent the better part of the last weekend watching "The L Word." I need something new to fixate on and I already watched all of "Curl Girls" during a marathon a month back. Meh. Here's to "Gimme Sugar." Don't let me down.

Cannot. Stop. Listening.

Grandadbob – Mmmnn

An oldie from The L Word Season Two. And yes, I watched most of that season during the unbearably hot weekend.

Happy PRIDE WEEK!

It's going to be my very first Pride week celebration celebratory celebration. I'm super excited.
More to come when I figure out what exactly we're doing. Hope to see you all there!

The Washington Blade has a rundown of what's going on.

Capital Pride's (finally updated) Web site.

Know any others?

Goodbye, old friend

*Sniffle*

R.I.P. Clinton campaign

As I write this, Hillary Clinton is in the District at the National Building Museum allegedly conceding. I write 'allegedly' because in my own mind I don't want to remember her as finishing but rather holding her head high and taking some much-needed rest. I'm reading MSNBC's "Clinton's couldas, shouldas, wouldas" and trying not to let the campaign's mistakes resonate too much. In short, I'm bummed. I was behind Clinton before she announced her presidential bid and stood behind her through all the "couldas, shouldas, wouldas." This is the first time I've had strong beliefs about a candidate and felt this strongly about politics. But, this feeling comes for most who are invested in a candidate, some just sooner than others.

In any event, I admit that Clinton made mistakes along the way, and I cannot imagine having your life so closely documented from the get-go. At the end of the MSNBC story, her mistakes are clear. And I wonder if it was a stubbornness or internal mistakes that had all those issues impede her candidacy, but I regardless of what anyone says, she did make history by coming as far as she did and she did indeed pave the way for others. And for that, I'm proud of her. It does little, however, to win the consolation prize for such a demanding race to the finish line. For what it's worth, Hill, I'll miss seeing you on CNN every day. Don't disappear, OK?

As far as Barack Obama is concerned, he'll get my vote, but not because I like the guy. Because the thought of John McCain winning the White House scares the absolute shit out of me. And as much as I wanted to see a woman take over the W.H., almost any minority is better than another old balls, white dude. Add a horrible temper and a propensity to call his wife a c*** and you've got the recipe for disaster. And thousands will vote for him.

R.I.P. Clinton campaign.