Progress

My school custodian's name was Al. And Al didn't like kids. At all, really. You'd call his name and he's reply with a hearty "Whaaaaaht?" Al was curmudgeonly and crabby, but if you asked nice enough, he'd give you change (he found) for the pop machine. Al sounds nothing like Brian Bonin, who is going to become Brianna Bonin at Clara Barton Elementary School in Oxford. Neat. What's even neater? The school is actually sending out a letter letting parents know that Brian will soon be Brianna and to pass that knowledge on down to the kiddies. How progressive. Good luck, Brianna.

No looky-loos, please

I LOVE this story about tourists gawking at the queers in San Francisco. The article talks about how San Fran has always been known to be a touristy area, but the stickler here folks, is that now buses actually drop loads of heteros (and maybe some closeted inquiring gays) off in packs in the Castro district and then picks them up after they've had ample time to hold hands (scare off the lesbians!), take photos (Oh, Bernice, you should have seen this one gay guy, hold on, I have some pics) and well, basically touch and not buy at local delis and restaurants, because you know, San Fran is expensive, it's much cheaper to take shots of the place and pretend to everyone back home you ate there.

Cho Show Glows

Back in 1994, when Margaret Cho starred in "All American Girl," I was enthralled by her dry sarcasm. Apparently, the producers didn't appreciate it as much as I did, and they and others sent her on a terrible tailspin down Losing Weight and Being Yourself land. Poopy shit on them. Cho's newest endeavor, "The Cho Show" debuted on VH1 Thursday night, but The Wifey and I caught it on LOGO on Monday, which = weird, because VH1 did all this promo stuff and LOGO, well, kind of didn't. Point of the story is that you can catch it on VH1 on Thursdays or on LOGO well, whenever they decide to play it again. To check, visit here, but be warned: LOGO's sked does not make sense in terms of regular viewing times.

AnyWAY, the show is awesome and totally worth tuning it to. She's surrounded by gays, loves the queers and says interesting things to her parents. It's all wonderful. I promise. Bonus: She loves tattoos.

Hallmark debuts the gayest cards. Ever.

I know I'm late on posting about this, but I'm super excited because Hallmark now cares that you can send the very best in gay congratulations. Towleroad blogged a bit about it, as have many other queer-loving blogs. Now I just need to wait for some lovely ladies or duders to tie the gay knot, because I have an addiction for buying cards for people and occasions that have yet to exist. Maybe I'll just send out the gay cards to the heteros from now on. Scare 'em a bit. Kidding. Sort of. For the full story, check it out.

And just as I was about to post on queers in the Olympics

Here comes an article about the "Tranny Olympics", and I can't decide if it's offensive or hilarious. Possibly both. Hilarisive.

“Beijing is so over, it's all about the tranny Olympics,” said Patty Island, who, like many of the competitors, declined to give his real name.

Spectators packed a east London pub this week to witness “drag queens” (men dressed as women) — like the 6-foot-7-inch Island in his pink stiletto shoes — and a few "drag kings" (women dressed as men) compete in the limbo, the wet T-shirt contest and the 100-meter high-heel sprint.

Oh, Ilene

Though the last I heard, the rumor mill was kicking out that the sixth season of "The L Word" was only going to be a half-season (because why do we need all 13 episodes to tie everything up when the M.O. of the show is to just ignore stuff you don't want to bring up ... cough*Papi*cough). And, now Ilene Chaiken has decided to implement product placement.

Alley Hector has a point about such combinations:

"While viewers might actually notice if the program were being interrupted, slick product placement is sure to reach into our brains as mind-numbing subliminal advertising. Pretty soon you'll think if you don't buy Coke, you just aren't gay enough."

As if you weren't aware

Ellen and Portia wed this Saturday in California. Yay! I've always loved weddings: the cake, the drinking, the dancing, the toasts, the DRESSES. It's a big fat excuse to make a day all about you and your honey and I hope, someday, fingers crossed, I'll get to share my big day with The Wifey. (Shh, don't tell her yet.)

Holy hell, I love archery

Wow, Yuan Shu Chi looks like a dude (and also shoots charming, dimpled, very butch looks at the camera from time to time). There's my initial insight regarding the awesomeness of Olympic archery, as viewed on the NBC Olympics site because I'm madly in search of anything that doesn't involve Michael Phelps or Kobe Bryant.

You know, initially, I was kind of meh about the archery, but after watching a ton of round of 32 & 16 matches, I started sort of privately cheering on the very dyke-y ones (lots) and I've determined a formula for success:

- It seems to help if you are very "gender neutral" and/or look like someone's very unassuming mom. If you are conventionally attractive, it's good to cover yourself in hats, sunglasses and long-sleeved shirts as if you are playing pro poker and need to hide your business.

- Facial expressions lead to bad scores. Always look like this: :|. Good shot? :|. Bad shot? :|. Win? :|. Lose? :|. Unless you are Yuan Shu Chi, and then you may have emotions.

- Your coach must have his/her collar popped as if it's 2006 in the U.S.

- You may have one side of your collar popped.

- Bucket hats, bucket hats, bucket hats.

- Face chalk? It's for the win.

- If you represent Chinese Taipei/Taiwan, you must be a handsome bastard, possibly with a hipster mullet.

- You must act all sorts of casual, as if you are not a relatively tiny woman (or butch, as the case seems to be a lot of the time) who has sickening accuracy with a deadly weapon.

There you have it: archery is now my best source of big Olympic Ds outside of, say, handball. Or basketball. Or softball. Or weightlifting ... especially weightlifting.