Because I'm genderqueer, you little punk****

Miriam over at Feministing.com shares a story about an issue I'm sure a good number of us have encountered: Getting asked (or hears someone muttering) "Is that a boy or a girl?" Miriam identifies as genderqueer and talks a bit about language, how to answer and what it means to be genderqueer.

Dear Hipster Girl who was confused by my gender in a bar bathroom

Let's have a chat, shall we?

When you followed me into the restroom at an unnamed bar in a medium-sized city chock-full of hipsters who are supposed to be, you know, hip and such, I wasn't expecting the thing that came out of your mouth. I am used to hipster girls. I date them, I am friends with them, I work with them. I expect them to do their usual hipster girl thing, which is to be worldly and cool and not at all impacted by difference. You are probably supposed to embrace difference.

This is why I did not expect the following stupid thing to come out of your mouth when the door closed:

"Is this the women's bathroom?"

I also did not expect you to say the other stupid thing that you said when I closed the stall door:

"Oh, like that's never happened to you before!"

Ha-ha-ha-ha! Ha! Also: true! It has happened to me before. Not enough to have made me so wary of public restrooms that I would avoid them, but enough.

When I left the restroom and related your verbal numbnuttery to Punk Rock Femme, she got kind of surly. She wanted to have a Teaching Moment (tm) with you. I'm not sure what that would have entailed, but judging by the look on her face, it probably wouldn't have been very pleasant. I'm guessing that the Teaching Moment (tm) might have resulted in The Cops Coming (tm).

Just so you know, Hipster Girl, your restroom weirdness made me uncomfortable in a space where I was just fine before. It made me expect a fun, random piece of homophobic violence from the dudes in the bar. It made me question why the fuck you weren't able to use contextual clues to determine which restroom you were in, instead of blurting out some uncultured, cracked up bullshit like you had Gender Tourette Syndrome.

It also made me want to punch you into next week, Hipster Girl. Good thing for you that I was sober, huh?

xoxo,
10xfast

Your queer gender in bottle cap form: an explanation

When Punk Rock Femme at last gained entry to my shower, she emerged with the following bit of wisdom: "Your people always leave the caps off on stuff in the shower." I ... we do? I kind of imagined hordes of butch-identified folks frantically uncapping bottles because, you know, it's part of our gender manifesto (I would like to think that it's written by Jack Halberstam!).

---

Here's the thing, you guys. I don't really do the cap thing because I'm a messy bastard (full disclosure: I really am a messy bastard). I do it because my shower is wicked unpredictable. The hottest shower ever can turn into the coldest shower ever in the span of about 5 seconds. I get a warning blast of lukewarm water for those 5 seconds, and that's my warning to get out now.

Given my interest in making my time in the shower as efficient as possible, everything is uncapped. I don't care how expensive my rad new shampoo might be ... the motherfucking cap is open. The two seconds that I might spend uncapping that joint are a waste when you consider the manic nature of the upstairs bathroom in the 10xfast household.

Now that I've explained, I'm giving you the screenshot to preserve the fact that my people (or, at least, the most efficient bathers among us) are in the lead:



Represent, my brothers! Or sisters! Or my really-fast-at-showering brothers/sisters!

Yeah gender: The "you're the boy, so you pay" edition

First: I'm more than fine with Paying For Things (tm). If I had my way, I'd do it all of the time; however, I don't get my way all of the time. And thus: Indian food was on Punk Rock Femme yesterday.

Rather, dinner was supposed to be on PRF yesterday. I must've been working my dude game proper, because the waitstaff dropped the check on me. I mean, right on me. The waiter could not have been more obvious about giving it to me. She essentially tucked it under my left elbow, despite the fact that there was a wide gulf of open table sitting between me and PRF. The check could have gone, you know, right into that gulf, into the empty "who will pick up this check?" space.

But no. My wearing of the hat and having of the short hair and whatever else I was doing to indicate check-picking-up ability meant that I got it. And PRF and I looked at each other. We giggled. She took the check, dropped some insane amount of cash down and bounced for a few minutes.

Here is what transpired while she was gone:

Waitdude: Sir?
Me: Uh ...
Waitdude: Miss ...?
Me: Uh ...
Waitdude: Are ones okay for the change?
Me: I ... it's not my cash, so ...
Waitdude: [hands me the change] Many ones!
Me: [puts change on other side of table]
Waitchick: All set?
Me: I'm not getting it, I don't know.

Luckily, PRF came back in time to deal with it before I had to fight off the waitchick with a spoon.

So, just a note: in Northern Virginia, if you look like the dude, you get to pay. It's 1957 up in this state!

Don't make me hate you, bro

AfterEllen has an new interview with Dani from ASALWTT, and I'm having trouble maintaining the same level of dude-dude respect that I once had for her.

For one, she's still on the "futch" tip:

AE: You've described yourself as "futch" with an F. What does that mean?
DC: It's kind of a cross between a femme and a butch. I'm not femmey by any means, and I don't like to consider myself butch either. I've seen the extreme on both ends, and I feel like I'm somewhere in the middle there, so I put the two words together and called it "futch." I mean, I'm not claiming ownership of that word, but I guess since I've been on the show, it's like my term now. [laughs]

And she follows that up with this:

AE: So you think butches are rough?
DC: Yes, I've seen some butches where it's like [whistles]. "How many flannel shirts do you have in the closet?" You know, maybe not flannel so much anymore, but you know, Timberland shoes. I'm not trying to generalize, but I've just seen some rough butch girls. Like, whoa, I'm not f---ing with her. [laughs]

Hmmph. Dead to me.

Transdude for gay mag coverboy?

Citizen Crain has a post up right now about the inclusion of a transguy in Metroweekly's Coverboy of the Year contest. I grok a lot of what he's saying, although I'm not so sure about this:

Lesbian journalist Jennifer Vanasco has written about how the popularity of gender-bending among young lesbians has all but eliminated femmes from the under-30 crowd.

“Young women who once called themselves butch now call themselves tranny bois, and these tranny bois are mostly dating each other” Vanasco, a self-identified femme, wrote in a provocative column from a couple of years ago.

All but eliminated what now? My experience lately has been the exact opposite: millions of femmes, relatively few butches/transdudes. I have to say that I was thinking this might be an issue that was was isolated to D.C., but my recent trip to NYC had me thinking differently. I was at a queer bar in Brooklyn with some friends, and we were getting ready to go. I made the briefest of brief nanosecond of eye contact with a cute femme who then rolled up on me, put her arms around me and whispered, "God, I miss guys like you ... " in my ear.

If that had been the only example (woo! I'm a guy now!), I wouldn't have thought much of it. But my whole weekend was filled with winking, flirting and all-around personal space invasions by every femme girl within 10 yards. I'd complain, but damn: it was the best thing that's happened to me in months. I thought of moving to NYC the whole damnable train ride home.

At any rate, it's a great read with a bonus flame war going on in the comments!

A shot at butch love

So, there's this show ... maybe you've heard of it? A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila is pretty much rocking the socks of every femme I know because of that foxy Manly Stanley, Dani.

Have you seen Dani? Look:



Manly. Stanley. "Futch", my ass! And a firefighter, too! Ladies, you may commence with the swooning right fucking now.

If you know me, you know that I have a thing about getting ranty about butch representation. If you don't know me, now you know: I get ridiculous over the lack of butches in queer pop culture (or, you know, in real fucking life). So, when A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila airs (as it did two nights ago), I Get Phone Calls (tm).

Oh, Dani: ye of the dorky interactions with Tila, the dimples, the butching of the femme gear they try to put you in and the ... well, the firefighter thing. My femme friends thing you're the hottest thing since Jack Halberstam, and my butch friends and I kind of hate you a little bit for the reaction you create in the femmes.

I hope you win, you charming bastard. God knows we need a little futch up in MTV, since we're certainly not getting it anywhere else.

Dear God, dude ...

I just looked at some comments about Dani on BuddyTV.
A selection:

I have never been with a woman but if i ever got a chance to be with dani i would totally take it. She is so sexy and just watching her on the show makes me hot! Dani..... wanna be my first woman?????

I am married with 2 children, I have been with women before but I have now settled with a man. However, I am really into Dani, she is so humble, so real, so beautiful and I wish I could spend some alone time with her and kiss her on her beautiful lips. If there is a way to email her please let me know...

OKAY IN ALL SERIOUSNESS. IM STRAIGHT, AND I GOTTA BOYFRIEND. BUT DANI IS !@#!@iiN SEXY. SHELL MAKE A GIRL WANNA GO HOMO. SO SERIOUS.

For REALS, girls: keep it in your pants. Although, having looked at Dani's MySpace, I have to say that I might have to start liking butches. And being less butch. Fuck, that boi is getting some play!

Boys who like boys to be girls who do boys like they're girls

Teresa Morrison has a FANTASTIC piece over at advocate.com about gender. Whoa, yay for talking about gender in a way that isn't incredibly dense.

Gender-neutral bathrooms for the win

American University is creating some gender-neutral bathrooms on its campus, much to my COMPLETE SHOCK AND SURPRISE.

Some students who seek gender-neutral bathrooms -- typically single bathrooms that lock rather than multistall facilities -- are transgendered men or women and could face questions or harassment from others in the bathroom who believe they don't belong there, said Brittney Hoffman, campus director for the Gender Public Advocacy Coalition's GenderYOUTH program. There are also students who, because of the way they look or dress, may get hostile comments in the women's or men's bathrooms and choose to avoid them.

The Chicago Tribune has the rest here, although you might have to register to read it. If you do, you should head to Bugmenot, and screw them hard. Fuck that registering to read news shit.

Yeah ... gender?

Possible butch gender violation: I just got a t-shirt with writing on it in silver ... glitter.

It's not that kind of glitter, dammit. But it's sparkly enough that my housemate informed that it looks like a shirt from a low-rent strip club.

Thanks, I <3 Brooklyn Girls. I wanted to show off my appreciation for queer femmes, not actually become one of them by accident.

It'snotthatbad, it'snotthatbad. Whew.